Wednesday, February 18, 2009

I quit you: J.J. Abrams shows (present or future)

I quit you, any television series by J.J. Abrams. J.J., you broke my heart when you abandoned Alias for Lost. You had an intricate plan and labyrinthine twists and turns, but I trusted you to make it all make sense and get us to a satisfying conclusion. Then you got distracted, and left other people to enact your plans. It didn't work.

Imagine if Michelangelo had just found some decent painters and told them, "Listen, I have a plan for the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. It's going to be God and Man reaching toward each other, almost touching. Now, I've planned it out for you. All you have to do is...paint God. Good luck with that, I'm out!"

Dude, no. That's not how it works, J.J. You get lackeys to paint sky, clouds, maybe some cherubs. You don't get them to paint GOD.

I intensely loved Alias. Even now, I look plan to re-purchase the entire series box set the instant I have disposable income (mine was stolen last year). For the first three seasons, at the end of each episode, I was dying for the next. A couple of times, the show startled me and made me scream aloud. (Sorry, roomie!) No other television show has made me do that.

It was a smart, funny, edge-of-your-seat thrill ride for years, but without J.J. toward the end it began to feel convoluted. During the series finale, I got distracted and started doing the dishes. That is SO wrong. As such, I don't plan to ever watch a J.J. show again. Sorry, Fringe. I'm sure I'd love you, but fool me once, shame on J.J. Fool me twice, shame on me. J.J. will get distracted and break your hearts, people. Don't say I didn't warn you.

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