Sunday, February 26, 2006

Break it up!

I think Mr. B. is history. In a post last week I mentioned that Mr. B and I had a big fight. We were supposed to get together this weekend to talk it out, but when I called him to see what was going on, he sounded weird. I said, "Should we break up?" He said "No," but then the words "time," "space" and "see other people" were uttered. So, in other words, we've broken up without actually breaking up.

Don't worry, I'm fine. I will probably miss him, but the fact that we were fighting so much this early in our relationship was a pretty good sign that we weren't meant to be. It is possible that he actually means that he just wants a little time and space, so don't hold me to this broken-up thing. Although I doubt that, and even if he does mean it, I'm not sure I would want him back unless he can treat me better.

Oh, well. I'm a 25-year-old single girl in NYC, and that's not a bad thing to be.

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

Must not shop...must not shop!

I am in a very materialistic mood. I’m tempted to shop, but instead have decided to focus on some things I love and already own:

My i-pod Shuffle. A gift from Mom and Dad, it supposedly holds 90 songs. I’ve crammed on about 130 songs. It’s the soundtrack of my life, and it makes life’s mundane tasks more fun. It also makes it easier for me to ignore weirdos who try to talk to me on the subway.

Uni-ball Signo gel pens (medium point in 8 colors). These pens are my new favorites, a recent switch from the Pentel RSVP (to which I’d been loyal since high school). The Signo pens are pretty, comfortable to hold, long-lasting and write more smoothly than any gel pen I’ve ever tried. Love, love, love!

Pentel RSVP, I have not completely forsaken you. I recently found the RSVP Mini, which comes with a hole in the cap and a key ring! You can use the hole to tie or hook it to things so the pen doesn’t get lost. I have one in my purse, I’ve tied to my journal, one is hooked into my backpack, and I wear the last one on the lanyard I wear while teaching (yes, I know it’s geeky, but I have to have my keys and a whistle to call deans in case of emergency). The RSVP mini is love of my teaching life! Unlike pens I’ve had in the past, I never misplace it.

Dove Toffee Tango Cookies. The chocolate and toffee layers are luxurious! The shortbread-ish cookie layer keeps it from being too rich. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Warning: It is impossible to just eat the suggested serving size.

Yoga Booty Ballet workout system. The name? Ridiculous and embarrassing. The results? Worth it. For about $40 I got DVDs with 4 workouts and a guided meditation, a little “squeezy ball” and a diet guide. I had to buy my own 3 lbs. handweights for one routine, but they were cheap at a local sporting goods store. Each workout is a weird combination of yoga, funky moves and ballet moves. The diet guide is insane and should be ignored (two days of fasting? I think not!) but the tapes are fun. One is cabaret, one is hip-hop and the other two are generic YBB workouts. The variety keeps me from being bored, and the different workouts are different lengths, so I can pick according to my schedule. I feel energized (and it helps burn the calories from all those Dove Toffee Tango cookies).

Acupressure massages. It is delicious torture. The masseuse’s fingers and knuckles dig in to knotted muscles and attack them until they beg for mercy and you are relieved and relaxed. (Okay, technically this isn't "something I own." It's more of a service I have purchased in the past.)

Stila eye shadow and lip gloss. I use a lot of Estee Lauder makeup, but these Stila products have proved fabulous additions. The eye shadow color is called Crystal, I think, and highlights my brow-bone (as recommended my Carmindy from What Not To Wear). The lip gloss is nearly clear. I have a terrible time finding lipstick because my natural color makes it look weird…I can’t explain it. The Stila salesperson said that was my mistake: “You’ve naturally got a beautiful, strong lip color. Don’t hide it; use something sheer with just a little peach tint so you’re not so pink-pink-pink.” And my makeup life has been so much easier ever since.

Next post, I hope to focus on less-material things I love.

Sunday, February 19, 2006

Screaming and Dreaming

Okay, not screaming, but fighting. Oh, the fighting...with Mr. B...again...some more. I've become one of those girls who is constantly fighting with her boyfriend, and her friends don't understand why she puts up with it. I don't entirely get it either. No, I do get it; sometimes Mr. B is amazing and very sweet and romantic. But during last night's fight...oh, I still cannot believe what he said to me, and I'm loathe to print it.

Basically, he accused me of lying about something important, and in doing so, broke my heart. I squeaked out between sobs, instant tears streaming down my face.

He went on to tell me I was probably telling the truth, but he could never really be sure because he wasn't there and he hasn't known me long enough to trust what I say. But I shouldn't be insulted by that because he doesn't even trust his mother. He later added that he trusts me to make good choices and not do anything to hurt him, but he doesn't trust me enough to believe whatever I say, and that I'm crazy and "fucked up" to expect him to. He also said I was "on my high horse" about my virtue, like I thought I was "the Virgin Mary Immaculate." Wow. Then he got mad that I was obsessing about his accusation, when that wasn't the point of his argument anyway. The point was that he felt pressured to spend every Saturday with me and didn't like the pressure. Well, he definitely won't have to worry about me asking him to hang out any time soon. I wonder if that was the point. Right now Mr. B stands for "Mr. Big Dumb Boyfriend." Whatever.

Last night, I had a dream that I was putting on a play, and everything was going wrong. I wasn't an actor in the play. I was a stage manager or something, running around trying to keep this calamity of a play going. At one point a pitcher of water was spilled on the stage and me. I was trying to sneak out of the auditorium. Then, a child acting on the stage broke character. Instead of addressing a line to the actors on stage, the little blonde looked at me and said, "What do you think, Erin?" The spotlight operator turned the spot on me, and the audience turned to look at me. Then I began to sing:

"It happens.
Sometimes you lose track
of where you're going.
It happens.
Sometimes you lose track
of who you are.

When that happens,
stop and look around you.
Stop and look within you.
Find that guiding star.

trips and stumbles
while walking life's highway.
wanders and wonders,
'Am I playing the right part?'

When that happens,
stop and look around you.
Stop and look within you.
That's the place to start."

And then I woke up. Proof I've watched too many cheesy musicals? Could be.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Happy Valentine's Day!

I hope you all had a lovely Valentine's Day. This was only the second Valentine's day of my life with a boyfriend (the last one was Doug way back in 1996. I had my braces removed that day and was cheerleading at a basketball game. He surprised me by showing up with flowers. Aw! He was sweet. He didn't make me laugh, but he was nice).

Saturday, Mr.B and I had Korean food as the snow began to fall. At dinner, we got into some deep conversation. I admitted that some of his criticism bothered me. He said he didn't want to be dishonest or keep things bottled up. I replied that I didn't want that either, I just want him to think, before criticizing, about how it will make me feel. "If you feel it will hurt my feelings too much, don't say it. If you still think it's worth it, okay." He agreed to that. In the course of the conversation, Mr.B also informed me that he was with his last girlfriend for three years and they broke up just before he finished college (About 4 or 5 months before we got together). Wow. This was more than he had ever told me, because for him former relationships are taboo. Anyway, it explained a lot about how he acts with me...simultaneously intense and committment-phobic. I'm not looking for long-term committment, either, which makes it about perfect. I just which he'd relax and let things be a little more casual sometimes. (He'd probably say the same about me.)

Saturday Mr.B ended up snowed in at my apartment, and didn't get dug out until late the next day. So Sunday we made omelettes for breakfast and ordered pizza for lunch. I hadn't had pizza in ages.

Mom and Dad's 34th anniversary was Sunday, so I sent them roses. I'm happy for them and proud and feel very lucky to have such a role model for love and relationships lasting a lifetime.

Tuesday I was in my classroom eating lunch with Mr. B when I noticed a gift bag on my desk.

"Did you put that there?" I asked.
"No," he replied.
"Huh," I said, looking quickly at the tag. "No name." I put the bag down and went back to eating.
"What was in the bag?"he asked. I opened it again and saw a cute book (no inscription) and a little box of chocolates, and told him so.
"Who would care enough to give you that?"
"Maybe Madrid."
"You know," he mused, "some people would say chocolate isn't good for you."
I laughed, because Mr. B has been teasing me that chocolate is directly responsible for my cavities. "So," he continued, "who would care enough about you to get you the small box of chocolates?" I laughed, finally realizing the game and thanked him. "How long would you have kept believing me?"
"Probably forever."
"You're so gullible."
"I've told you before, I'm credulous!"
Then I gave him the card I wrote for him. It was a letter telling him all the things I like best about him. (Though I left it at home, I also got him a feather pillow to keep at my place since he admitted that he doesn't sleep as well without one.) He liked the letter.

It wasn't an incredibly romantic day, but it was nice. The thing is, I've always loved Valentine's Day, boyfriend or no boyfriend. I loved the way it makes people who aren't normally romantic show people that they care. I like the sugar hearts with the printed messages and the girls walking around proudly carrying roses and the discounted candy February 15. You don't need a luvah for that, but if a Valentine is what you crave, then may a chubby flying infant shoot you with an arrow. Happy hunting!

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

I don't have the energy to come up with a cute headline.

In my last post, I was raving about my boyfriend's skill in the kitchen. Since then, what's happened? Well, Tuesday I stayed home sick. I had a temperature and a virus, according the the Fordham Health Services staff. Thursday I was supposed to have an observation. I stayed up late the night before trying to prepare...and then my principal stood me up! That night, I went home and slept from 5 p.m. until 6 a.m. the next day (Friday).

Friday night I went to the dentist. Unfortunately, I have some cavities and they have to re-do my root canal. This is the part where I would gripe about my dentist, but one should not speak ill of the dead. In fact, it's probably pretty tacky that I mentioned it at all. I can't help it. I'm crabby because I spent many hundreds of dollars on a painful proceedure...I had to have four fittings for my crown...and now it turns out to be FAULTY! Sorry, I'm a little bitter because my tooth hurts (though only when I eat hot or cold stuff) and I have to get a new root canal and possibly buy a new crown. Grr.

Later that night, I met up with Laura, Carolina and Reesa (I have no idea how to spell her name, actually) for jazz at the planetarium of the Museum of Natural History. Then we had dinner at Mill Korean and dessert at the bakery next door. It was awesome. Then next day, I did not get to see my boyfriend, which was annoying, so I cleaned my room instead and threw out a garbage bag of stuff. I love doing a good purge like that, and now my room looks so cute! And Sunday...I don't really remember Sunday, which is kind of wierd, right? I guess nothing too exciting must have happened.

Monday at school was crazy, because our school switched to extended day, changing my whole schedule. After the extended day, we had a meeting, followed by grad school. It was a very long day.

Today I exercised for the first time in weeks. It feels good to get back to working out! Now I should be grading instead of writing to you fine people. So I guess I should. It's wonderful that you guys are reading my blog and posting. I feel less like I'm talking to myself.